I am falling part at the seams…. I am caring for my elderly, narcissistic, in ill health parents… I have lived with them in my home cramped and lacking any privacy for more that 380 days… Three hundred eight days ! My marriage have been destroyed my family, irrevocably destroyed… I have made the decision to move out with my parents to get the space and privacy we need and deserve… My heart cannot handle walking away from a marriage… Walking away from my son in his senior year of college…. But to give dignity to my parents I have no choice ….. I am losing my mind…. I am pleading for clarity …..

Feeling big changes to alter the negative influences… I can only handle so much alone… May as well be my own team!

http://cheersitspoilsmcgee.blogspot.com/2016/03/cheers-to-being-vast-brilliant-save.html?m=1

I find myself in a perpetual cycle of doubt, turbulence and guilt… It. Has been nearly 6 months since our lives have been forever altered by not fault of our own… The time has not made anything easier, in fact it has become more difficult…. The stress on my daughter is actually killing my soul a little everyday… I was raised in this turmoil, I grew in spite it if, and swore that I would not allow my children to battle the same hell… They are not prepared for this negativity, this constant battle with dread and despair. For me it is simply a reminder of where I came from and perhaps a question of if I am in face worthy or more than this after all… I am torn I do not know what to do … Allow others to take over care to save the sanity of us all… Or carry the burden and pay the price of guilt? I wish this on no one, and will learn to protect my own children from this situation….. Just when you think you have paid the price for freedom and joy, you realize there is a Lien on your Joy! There is more to pay…. What is unimaginable is why must my kids suffer for my hell? Perhaps, I will never know….